Why Americans suck at football (soccer)

While surfing I stumbled upon this funny yet interesting web article, published last year, which gives us some reasons why Americans of all people suck at playing football (soccer for them!! :P)

Here’s 3 excerpts which I found really nice, with the full list at Soccerlens

1. No Hands

The most popular American sports – basketball, baseball, American football, ice hockey, golf – primarily involve the use of hands / upper body to compete in. In fact, you could argue that feet are only for mobility (only American football allows for kicking, and that too is best done long-range).

Now if you drop a sport like soccer – all feet, some head and no hands – it’s like asking someone to walk on their hands instead of their feet. It’s not easy to switch around to compeletely different way of playing a sport.

This is the primary reason why when you see the MLS, the terms ‘long-ball’ and ‘headless chicken’ come to mind.

2. Ridiculous Name

Soccer? Seriously? The biggest obstacle to soccer’s popularity in the US may well be its name. You can’t have two sports by the same name, unless you want to see Eddie Johnson pick up the ball and then do his customary dash up the pitch and then look around all confused as opposition defenders pile up on him.

Soccer. Sawker. I feel dumber just saying it. It’s called football, and unless the American people learn to call it by it’s real name (come to think of it, Australians have their Austrian Rules footy and they still call the beautiful game football), it’s not going to be successful.

7. No Cheerleaders

In all honesty this is where I agree with the Americans. Soccer needs cheerleaders like one need a glass of cold water on a hot day. As we’ve discussed before on Soccerlens, cheerleaders can stop hooliganism, provide suitable pitch-side (or on-TV) distractions when the game itself gets a little tedious and once you give each club their own cheerleading squad, there’s a whole new set of rivalries to play upon for the advertisers.

Plus if there’s no porn, how can a genuine American sports fan enjoy the game? Without cheerleaders soccer just isn’t manly enough. It’s blasphemous.

Read  the full article by following the link mentioned above 🙂 .


4 thoughts on “Why Americans suck at football (soccer)

  1. sorry for my mistake at my previous comment when i said this

    “Hooliganism are one of the best parts of football’

    “I ment hooliganism is a part of football”

    And you never know Robinho might go to a cheerleader and rape her :p. lol


  2. no, I dont think we should have cheerleaders. Hooliganism are one of the best parts of football.

    Though it would be funny to see cheerleaders singing United chants. and the atmosphere would be terrible.


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